Pleasure in Midlife
In the pleasure garden with Louise Carr
This year, I’m diving deep into a single word: pleasure. For me, pleasure is a powerful way to connect with myself, with my body, and with the whole of life. I believe that for women, especially at midlife, pleasure isn't just important. It's revolutionary.
Each month, I’ll share a new interview with a woman who opens up about what nourishes her, the self-care rituals she practices, and what pleasure means to her.
Could pleasure be as simple as listening to what your body needs?
The warmth of a morning matcha, carefully whisked. The rhythmic movement of walking, ideas unfolding with each step. The steady presence of the ocean.
In this month’s conversation, holistic nutritionist and menopause expert Louise Carr invites us to return to the intelligence of our bodies and the deep nourishment of pleasure.
I have known Louise for years. Her wisdom is both fierce and deeply compassionate, a reminder that pleasure is not frivolous - it’s essential.
Pour yourself a cup of something warm, step into the pleasure garden, and savor this conversation with my friend Louise Carr.
Can you share a glimpse into your world right now. What’s lighting you up these days?
We are moving through challenging times and I am being very intentional about what is lighting me up at the present moment.
I am intentionally noticing all the small things in nature when I am walking in nature, to drown out the ‘noise’ we are currently experiencing.
What are three pleasurable words to describe yourself?
Empathetic, whimsical and safe.
Where do you find inspiration?
I find inspiration when I am walking. Bipedal movements such as walking and biking always gets the cogs turning inside my head and I can make helpful and sometimes powerful mental connections.
I also find inspiration in the indigenous worldview. It seems like everything that is new in the wellness industry has been understood and practiced in indigenous communities for thousands of years. So much of what is new in science is just confirming indigenous knowledge. So much of what supports our health in 2025 comes from a return to what our bodies know feels good to us.
Is there a practice that you turn to when you feel dysregulated or off-balance?
When I am dysregulated or off-balance, I turn to nature and spend as much time as I can spare walking in nature. When I feel really dysregulated, the sauna and cold plunge will both empty and focus my mind and guarantee a perfect night of sleep. I am a changed and grounded woman the next day.
Is there a book, podcast, or resource that has deeply influenced you?
I am a reader. I love a podcast, but books stay with me.
The Myth of Normal by Gabor and Danial Mate & Patriarchal Stress Disorder by Dr. Valerie Rein, Ph.D. have both given me permission to question how I have been socialized to behave and live my life. From this jumping off point, I get to choose me.
“My philosophy is that we are all equal on this planet. All of us, every tree, worm and fish.”
Name a person, past or present, whom you admire and look up to.
My philosophy is that we are all equal on this planet. All of us, every tree, worm and fish. We are all needed in our own particular role on the planet. I also work from a belief that our teachers are everywhere. As angry and scared as we may be feeling right now with people in authority positions and events out of our control, we are learning how to channel our anger into action and how to step into a more empowered version of our selves whilst prioritizing our self-care and pleasure
What are the first things you do every morning?
My alarm clock wakes me with the sound of the ocean in two five-minute sessions, with a five-minute pause in between. I am usually already awake when the ‘alarm’ begins so I use the ocean sounds as a prompt to practice two five minute sessions of deep breaths. So, breath work is my very first activity.
Is there a ritual you could not live without in your day?
My morning drink…usually a Matcha Latte (A friend bought me my Matcha whisk, so 😘), sometimes a cacao Latte. I add collagen for my skin, bone, joints and gut health, creatine for brain health and to promote muscle growth and coconut oil to fire up my metabolism. This drink feels like rocket fuel to me. I feel warm, comforted and nutritionally supported as I drink it.
“I am happy in my kitchen and when I make deeply nourishing food for myself, I feel deeply supported.”
What are some favourite ways you nourish yourself?
See above answer! I love to cook, so I am happy and meditative when I am putzing around the kitchen. I appreciate that other women don’t always experience cooking this way and certainly, when I had a family to feed, it felt like an endless thankless task.
But now, I love to food prep a soup, some bone broth, a breakfast frittata and a green smoothie on a Sunday for the week ahead and I am constantly trying new nutritionally dense recipes. I am happy in my kitchen and when I make deeply nourishing food for myself, I feel deeply supported.
Do you have any bedtime rituals?
My favourite bedtime routine is a hot Epsom salt bath with Rose absolute oil; for the magnesium from the Epsom salts, to release cortisol, our stress hormone from my body and for the delicious ‘self-loving’ scent of the rose perfume.
When I only have time to shower, I always roll my feet over a lacrosse ball I keep in my shower base, so my feet and calves are nice and loose when I get into bed. I also fold my arms above my head and lean into the shower wall with my elbows, to open up my shoulders and release my upper back. I often oil pull with coconut oil when I am in the shower at night. Oil pulling makes me gag in the morning.
When I get into bed I take 250mg magnesium threonate to relax my muscles, my ashwagandha supplement and a vitamin E capsule for skin, cardiovascular health and to prevent vaginal dryness (we have great research data on vitamin E for women in menopause).
I always read before I put the light out. More often fiction at night for the escape. I am currently reading The Art Thief by Michael Finkle. It is non-fiction, but a wild ride of a true crime story!
“In this chapter of my life, pleasure is everything…Through pleasure I get to learn that life can also be fun, easy and delicious.”
What does pleasure mean to you right now?
In this chapter of my life, pleasure is everything. I spent 25 years of my life in a highly controlling marriage characterized by covert narcissism and held negative beliefs such as ‘marriage is hard’ and ‘life is always hard’. Through pleasure, I have been able to find myself, reconnect with my desires and heal the grief resulting from where I allowed myself to stay in this lifetime and the fact that I thought this was all I deserved. Through pleasure I get to learn that life can also be fun, easy and delicious.
What’s the most pleasurable thing you’ve done this month?
I do something for pleasure every day. During the week of the inauguration of the new US president, I prioritized my fun, rest and pleasure over the news cycle to resist the attention and fear this man creates.
On the Tuesday after the inauguration, I went to a matinee performance of the Robbie Williams movie, Better Man, with my daughter.
I have loved the British pop star Robbie Williams for decades! We laughed, sang and cried in the movie…it is a wild ride! After the movie we went for food and talked for 90 minutes straight about this movie and British 90’s pop culture. We came home and watched YouTube videos of old performances.
Our attention was solely focused on the music and our own gossipy pleasure. It was blissful co-regulation in a turbulent time.
“In our capitalist, patriarchal society, pleasure is healing and it is resistance, just like rest.”
What is something surprising you’ve discovered about pleasure?
That pleasure has power. In our capitalist, patriarchal society, pleasure is healing and it is resistance, just like rest.
How do you cultivate pleasure in your daily life? Is this something that comes easily for you?
It has not been easy for me to cultivate pleasure daily.
When I learned of the healing power of pleasure for those who have given or have had parts of themselves stolen away, I made it my priority to exercise my pleasure muscle.
The more you flex this muscle the easier it becomes.
I still find myself pushing through yucky emotions like guilt and shame when I fall into old thinking patterns like I am being ‘too demanding’, ‘too lazy’ and generally ‘too much’. I have a big ‘who do you think you are?’ button inside my head that I am shrinking over time and with every flex of my pleasure muscle.
I now have a good knowledge of what brings me the most pleasure in my life and so I know I am going to do an activity that incites pleasure on a daily basis.
I start every day with my morning drink.
If the sun is shining, I reschedule my day to get outside.
If I feel dysregulated, I walk to look at the ocean.
If nothing pleasurable has happened for me in the day, you will find me in the evening in a hot epsom salt bath, already looking forward to my book before bedtime.
Can you share why pleasure is so important for women in perimenopause and menopause?
By the time women reach their 40s and perimenopause, they have had a lot of stuff piled onto them. The straight jacket of patriarchal beauty standards and the emotional labour of managing toxic masculinity within our societies, the household, emotional and mental load for their homes and families.
Many of us have raised families and given away hours of our sleep, our privacy and often our physical bodies in the process. We have often lost parts of ourselves including our desire and the knowledge of what brings us pleasure. We are keeping all the plates spinning for our family and loved ones, work harder in the work place for less pay and are often taking on a new role of caring for aging parents. Enter into this mix, the hormonal roller coaster of perimenopause.
“…at a time of life when women report becoming invisible, if you continue to give yourself the pleasure that fulfills your needs, you will always feel chosen, seen and special to yourself.”
It is challenging to step out of feeling like a victim of your body, hormones and crazy schedule and to step into your power to protect your pleasure
When a woman can place healthy boundaries around what brings her pleasure, she remains connected to herself, her needs and her desires. Pleasure can keep us out of feelings of resentment and at a time of life when women report becoming invisible, if you continue to give yourself the pleasure that fulfills your needs, you will always feel chosen, seen and special to yourself.
Why do you think it’s so hard for women to prioritize and embrace more pleasure in their lives?
Women are socialized from an early age to be good girls and to prioritize the positive emotions and wellbeing of those around her. We are literally raised to disconnect from our feelings and positive emotions.
“The single most effective way I found to LEARN how to cultivate pleasure was to ask myself, multiple times in the day…what do I need now? And then give myself exactly what I needed.”
Do you have tips or practices for how women can cultivate more pleasure in their lives?
The single most effective way I found to LEARN how to cultivate pleasure was to ask myself, multiple times in the day…what do I need now? And then give myself exactly what I needed.
At one point in time I carried a tiny, flower print notebook and I would write down what I needed when I asked myself this question, multiple times a day.
It is how I relearned myself and my nervous system and began to learn how easy it is to help myself feel good in my body.
Notice how often you put off emptying your bladder, pooping or eating until you have finished a task or have more time…bodily functions are a great place to start. Give you body what it needs immediately.
“Whether single or partnered, all women should prioritize their sexual well being. Our bodies were designed for this pleasure.”
What about sexual pleasure in midlife and beyond? What role does self-pleasure play in women’s well-being at midlife (and beyond)?
Sexual pleasure is hugely important for women in midlife and beyond because it is linked to our mental, hormonal, and physical wellbeing.
Mentally we all feel less resentful and more cherished when we have our sexual desires met. We are SEEN and honoured in the process.
Hormonally we benefit every time we flood our bodies with our connection and pleasure hormone, oxytocin. Our brains benefit, our nervous system benefits and our adrenal health benefits.
We rely on our adrenal glands to drip feed us low levels of estrogen, progesterone and testosterone when we are in full menopause but will build cortisol (our stress hormone) if we are experiencing chronic stress.
Oxytocin pulls us out of stress, puts us in a state of rest and digest and allows our bodies to build the hormones that support us with the hormones that keep us healthy as we age.
Physically, we are always healthier when we receive adequate blood flow to our pelvic region and sex is the best way to engorge those tissues with blood flow and bathe them in fresh oxygen.
Whether single or partnered, all women should prioritize their sexual well being. Our bodies were designed for this pleasure.
I’d love for you to share about microscopic pleasures that you have recently experienced:
A taste: OMG! It is a raspberry jam doughnut from Yonnis Doughnuts. It tastes exactly like my teenhood. We used to take the bus into town after school, buy ½ dozen jam doughnuts and flirt with boys from other schools. This doughnut tastes of a delicious ‘naughtiness’ in every fibre of my body.
A sound: Birdsong, specifically the first robins to arrive back in town.
A sight: Always the ocean…the sun on the ocean.
A smell: The ocean. The salty, fermenty smell of seaweed or a half eaten crab dropped from the sky by a seagull.
A touch: Hugs with my kids. I’m holding on for my son's giant hug because he lives far away. My eldest daughter is very huggy and tactile…always comforting. When my youngest lets me in…it's extra special.
Louise Carr is a Certified Holistic Nutrition Consultant graduated from the Canadian School of Natural Nutrition.
She helps women in midlife who are feeling exhausted, depleted, and out of balance in their lives with ALL of the uncomfortable symptoms of perimenopause.
With food, nutrition, and lifestyle changes, we can leverage this period of natural hormonal change so you can find your way home at midlife. If you learn what your symptoms are telling you, you can regain your mojo, shift out of overwhelm and lose that feeling of being out of control that emerges when your hormones fluctuate. Take control of your health at midlife to extend your active years and boost your energy for the exciting future you have ahead of you.
As we move through the perimenopause, we are able to embrace greater creativity and empowerment than in our fertile years. In midlife, whole foods and dense nutrition can help you understand your body better, avoid exhaustion, and change the trajectory of other health concerns. Delicious and nutritious meals and snacks allow you to nourish your body deeply!
Being a dedicated listener, she approaches the beautiful, intricate tapestry that is you with empathy, warmth, and a loving attitude. She believes that food can support your most vibrant midlife health, enabling you to experience the best health of your life at middle age.
Website: Louise Carr Nutrition
Instagram: @louise.carr.nutrition
